


All of you is all I want even the darkness of your soul

by Bunnybunkins



Category: Holby City
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 12:03:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16892247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bunnybunkins/pseuds/Bunnybunkins
Summary: After Bernie finds out what happened with Serena and Leah.





	All of you is all I want even the darkness of your soul

**Author's Note:**

> First fanfic and I know people are not a huge fan of Leah  
> Sorry!

“I told you I would wait an entity, I meant it Serena” her eyes were on fire. Her cheeks dirty from tears of pain, shame and something.. something she could barely register, disappointment.

Bernie the goddness, her one and only. Until she wasn’t. Shame burnt, she had been disappointed it wasn’t Leah.

Pain had hit her like a train derailing, unstoppable even. For one pure sinful moment she had allowed herself to be in a bubble with Leah where there was nothing but them. No shame, fear, regret or loneliness. Where she was wanted and needed, of course she knew what it was. No level of feeling she felt for the one she truly loved.

This was new and unfounded, a new land she had never explored. Of course she was used to flirting and being flirted with by men. Yet Bernie had been the first to light a flame that was matched, never before.

Bernie would of course comment on how the girl in the coffee shop looked at her, the new nurses but Serena thought they were simply being kind, “I am old enough to be their mother” she would reply as Bernie rolled her eyes, her hands wrapped in her golden locks. Serena was a toucher, she adored touching people, none of it was sexual she merely loved the contact and Bernie’s hair called to her all the time.

And now she longed to touch them as they stood in her office shame crawling in her veins and yet this woman, her woman? The love of her life merely reached out and pulled her close. Strong arms, so wrapped in love Serena’s body shook with pain

Bernie pulled back, her hand under her chin and Serena saw her. Really saw her, the depths of her and her breath caught as the flame of love inflicted her and then her voice.

“Serena I meant it. I love you, all of you. Even this part of you” Serena could barely look at her, how could she have done this. As if reading her mind Bernie smiled softly “It’s okay” and Serena finally let go, the sobs echoed the small space as Bernie clutched her to her once more.

“I know you love me, I have neglected us..you” she whispered a soft soothing voice which crept inside Serena, she suddenly felt tired, so tried as Bernie laid her down on the bed. The room dimly lit, the sounds of the hospital going by.

Dark pools, her eyes filled so with love “I didn’’t mean to.. I don’t know why” her voice shook as Bernie rubbed circles into her back. Her body so close, so there this is all she had wanted, longed for.

And yet Leah, Leah had been there. Really there with doe eyes and a need to please her. And she had let her, it had felt good and her mind had emptied of all the pain and loneliness she had felt as she pinned her junior against the door of her office as she claimed her mouth, her arms leaving bruised marks.

The sounds she was making, Serena was causing her to make as she pinned her hands above her head were intoxicating. They both knew what this was as she pulled back and the young blonde looked at her, eyes filled with lust as she pulled against the restraints of her hands “No Leah” she simply whispered and she watched as her eyes rolled back in her head.

And she was gone, her hands clawed and claimed. She felt so different, tasted new unlike she had experienced before. Lust drove her, there was no denying the attraction she felt or the pull of being so needed and wanted. Leah’s body offered so many places to lose herself and her young lover offered them so willingly, she knew of course she knew, could feel and see this meant far more to Leah than it did her. The desire to feel again, to feel anything but the pit of emptiness and loneliness that filled every part of her.

Leah’s desperation to touch her, be felt and seen. She knew it, she knew with every cell of her that this was wrong. This was not want Leah wanted, not really and yet as she allowed herself to be pushed against her desk her trousers soon a puddle on the floor and a warmth took over, “It’s okay” Leah moaned against her as darts of pleasure buckled her and her gaze catch her own and it came, rolling and she wept as Leah sang the soft pray against her “It’s okay” and she took the pray, whatever she could grasp and let go.

Nothing else filled her mind until it did.

The circles lulled her, Bernie always soothed her. The room was silent, her tears had burnt her cheeks and her lovers blouse. Serena clung to her back as she curled in a tight ball against her.

Her eyes, the look of love flowing from them floored her. Even laying down she was falling “Serena you do nothing without thought, feeling” Serena forced herself to look at Bernie as she felt her fingers trace her cheek “I know, I understand. Of course it hurts, it has broken me to know you felt so alone. I should have known, listened. Jason is your home, the baby. And Elionr, I should have known”.

“It didn’t mean, I didn’t..” she started but the words caught and yet this woman, the woman who knew all of her and loved each flaw simply hushed her “You did my love” and she sobbed, shame rocked her body as Bernie lifted her chin.

Serena didn’t think she was capable of crying anymore and yet her daughters name. Her daughter, her child. How she hand clutched her hand as a small child, how she looked at her as Bernie did now, with nothing but love and trust. And she broke, the shell she had wrapped herself in since her daughter had died and she had held Jason’s child. The young child clinging to her finger and she saw Elinor, through every moment of her life.

Pink from birth, dirty and free as a toddler carefree as she knew her mother was there, always there to fix her. Until she wasn’t..

Pain stole her breath as Bernie’s touch allowed it, allowed it to crack without need “You do nothing without feeling Serena, behind that hard shell you have created. That I left you in, inside that” she whispered against her the shell of her ear “all you do is feel my love. I should have known, listened. I will never be able to understand that pain. You meant it Serena and I love you because of that” and she listened her voice ebbing into the darkness the flirting and release Leah had provided where she didn’t need to think or feel of anything other than feeling good.

For once, for such a long time. Nothing but pleasure.

Of course it wasn’t real, she knew that. What Bernie gave was real, pain and fear so mixed with love. A love able to see past the lust she had felt for another.

“I told you I would wait my darling and yet now I see it was you that has waiting” Bernie held her face in her hands a soft sad smile that called her home “And you don’t need to anymore, my love” she felt her thumb brush her cheek, the hum of the hospital and the dim lit making her sleepy “You don’t need to anymore” the voice soothed her as it rocked her to sleep.

The soft lips against her cheek “You are my home Serena and you are home”

And there she was, all blonde her and long legs. The sand clung to her as she lifted her head and smiled a smile that claimed all of her “Mummy” her voice sang.

And Serena slept, she finally slept. Wrapped in the arms of the woman she loved and who had seen her darkness and loved.


End file.
